He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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