I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
