White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there's paper in my vomit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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