then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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