Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize