Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
