Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize