We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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