soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
