The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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