I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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