It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize