i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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