So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
