all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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