its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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