i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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