i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize