How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize