she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
