He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
