The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
