i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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