Having a random hookup so left but love u
how can u be prego again
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
