:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
