So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
