I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
