Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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