I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
