I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
