Nicole vs. Life
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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