hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
