It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
