i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
