can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
