I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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