so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize