Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
