I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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