So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that's an acceptable place to lick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
