We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
