apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
