i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
