He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
