I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
