Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
