So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
