well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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