My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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