I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
