I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
