yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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