I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
