addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
