Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
whose parrot is this?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
