dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
