Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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