you traded sex for a burrito?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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