I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
