Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize