i already hear my dad disowning me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
