I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
please don't ironically join a cult
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