Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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