you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You need a sexual gate keeper
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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