If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
