apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
