ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
