just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
