Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
