Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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