Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
