May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
