I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize