she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
either way he was missing a nipple.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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