After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
