can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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