Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
