I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize