Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
