So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
