hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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