I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
