apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
