Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize