Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
