It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
