I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm passing your future prison.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
