Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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