yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
