Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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