1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize