It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
