we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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