I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
