spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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