just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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