shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
