I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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