yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
