Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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