Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
