I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
