Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
